I was flipping through this wedding catalog that was delivered to my apartment randomly, and it occurred to me that my grandmother won't be at my wedding, should I ever get married. I'd never be able to share one of the most important moments in my life with her. She'll never get to tell me if she approves of Shawn or not. I think she'd like him. I think Pop-Pop would, too. But he'll never get to approve or disapprove of him, either.

The reality of having to live through every accomplishment without my Grammy is still hitting hard. But, then again, it hasn't even been a year yet. It'll take some getting used to.

So much has happened the past year. Things I never thought possible. I lost my grandmother. One of the most amazing and important people in my life, someone I realistically knew I'd lose at some point but someone I pretended would be there forever. I was addicted to pain killers for a few months. I still have slip-ups. I started a new job in the electronics department of a retail giant. I went on my first real date. Went on my second. And my third. (All with different guys, no less.) Entered my first real relationship. Had my first real kiss, among other things. Bought my first car, and had my first accident. 2016 has been a roller coaster. It's been horrible, but it's had its highlights.

It's times like this that I have to stop and think about everything. Reflect on where I started and where I am now. If you had told me, five years ago, I'd have my own car and license, I'd be living on my own with a real job, in retail even, and be juggling free time, my best friend, and a boyfriend, I'd tell you you're reading the wrong future. That can't possible be mine. And I thoroughly believed that. Given the way I was born, the way I lived—and still live—it was realistic for me to believe that. I'm still amazed. Every day I feel like I'll wake up and this dream, this fantasy, will end. I'll go back to having nothing. Well, almost.

Even with all the amazing things in my life, there's still enough to keep me down, still enough obstacles to make me remember everything will always be a challenge. I will never get off easy, I'll never have a "get out of jail free" card. I don't know if it keeps me grounded in reality, or it's life trying to knock me down, or if it's the universe showing me that I can never let my guard down, or if it's some omnipresent being proving that I'm stronger than anyone ever realized. I can't decide.

There are some things I have decided upon, for sure. One, Pink Floyd and Blackmill can always calm me, no matter what. Two, the only way I'll get a new car is if someone pries me away from the leaking, creaking dumpster I call my Cavalier. Three, my friends and family are crazy and drive me nuts, but I would never trade them for the world, and with them I can accomplish anything. Four, anything is truly possible.