You know, I've taken things for granted.

I have two parents that love me. That care about me. That make sure I went to bed with food in my stomach. That made sure I had something to do as a child. That made sure I was okay each and every day.

Sometimes, I don't realize that not everyone has that. Some people only have one parent, but some have none.

Sometimes, I can't comprehend what that would be like.

But what I can comprehend is that as fucked up as my life has been, as hard as it's been, I've never been physically or otherwise abused. I've never been neglected. I've never gone to bed hungry, unless I threw a fit and refused to eat dinner because I was a selfish brat. I didn't have to pick food and freeze it, as a child, just to make sure I wouldn't go hungry in the winter.

I had someone there for me at all times. And as much as I feel like they were the worst parents ever and that I hated them, I have to remember that they're only human. And maybe they didn't know what to do, because they weren't shown how to be a parent as a child.

I need to understand that I could have had it so much worse growing up.

It doesn't lessen what I've been through.

But I know that it's not as bad as it may sometimes seem.

Dude, what a weird Monday.

On the bus ride to Stamford, I had this really grim realization, and I started crying on the bus.

I realized that as shitty as my life is, my dad's was worse. And I was thinking of how he coped, and how his sisters coped. And what it must have been like for them to see him spiral so much.

But maybe they were spiraling, too, so they didn't see it.

As bad as my life is, it's nothing compared to what my dad and his sisters had to go through.

And after that really depressing bus trip, and after a normal couple of hours with my dad, I went to do my med treatment. As I was bringing our clothes and stuff from the truck into the apartment, one of the guys that works at the tow company, Hector, was putting away the battery van he drives. He's all like hey and stuff. Then he's like, "So what's your name, anyways?" So I tell him. And I'm smirking to myself.

I mean, I've noticed that this guy is extra friendly to me. Well, not friendly, but he talks to me a lot. I just let it go, assuming he was just talkative to everyone. That may still be true.

But then me, being the kind of person I am, decide I want a soda. I don't really need one, but I just want to go back outside to see if Hector says anything else. He asked my name for a reason, right?

So as I'm heading back to the truck to grab quarters, and he stops me. He tells me he as a weird question for me. I'm freaking out slightly. He asks if I'm single. I smirk and say maybe. As I walk away, he's like, "Man, what? What does that mean?" And he's laughing. "Girls always say shit like that! How am I supposed to respond to that?" It's amusing.

But I notice Steve at the gas pump, filling up his truck. (This is the Steve who used to work here a while ago, but had to stop because he lost his license due to a fucking DUI. Lost all respect for him after that.) I'm worried that he's overhearing. This is a guy who is just a couple years younger than my dad. (But who has a daughter a few years older than me.)

So I just laugh and tell Hector that I don't know what he should do with my maybe. And I grab my quarters and get the soda. As I'm heading back to the apartment, he starts mocking me, saying maybe in a girly voice. So I tell him I have a question for him. I ask, "Aren't you married?"

Because I know he is. He's talked about her before. She's bipolar, and apparently crazy. And he has a son who plays Minecraft.

So he explains that him being married is only a technicality. He's begging to see his son, which isn't working out, and she's stone cold. I guess she hurt him, and he doesn't love her anymore for that.

I dunno. It sounds fucked up. And getting involved with him is fucked up.

But He's Puerto Rican and lives in Connecticut. (I think he lives in Connecticut? Point is, he lives down here, not upstate New York.) Two not bad qualities. I have no idea how old he is, but he's definitely under thirty. (Unless I'm just dumb.)

Is it weird that I'm a little interested? Maybe at least to be friends. Because I don't want to be that other woman. The fact that he has a son doesn't bother me. (Remember Chad?) But the baby mama does. She needs to be gone.

But right now, I want it to be Monday again already. I want to see him and see what happens next.