Wow.

This weekend was horrible. I had a huge mental breakdown.

First, my parents said they were gonna come up for dinner, bring some things I needed, and take back things I didn't need. Then, they got half way here and said the roads were too bad. I don't know if they really were. One, my mom thinks a light shower of snow is horrible, and two, it was raining here where I go to college, only forty-five minutes away.

So... Yeah. I don't know for sure. But I was really mad.

At first, 'cause I got all ready for them then they just canceled. Then, because I the highlight of my Saturday night was going to dinner with my mommy and daddy, after playing Call of Duty with my dad all day. Then, because the only other option I had this weekend was to hang out with Rin.

I NEED a life. Like, it's going to become a matter of life or death here. I can't put up with Rin any longer. I just can't. I don't think you can fully understand what I'm going through until you spend just one day with her.

She breathes really loudly (like her body can't get enough oxygen to all her body). She is a SLOB; she eats constantly and there's crumbs and stains all over her shirt to prove. There's no "laughing quietly to myself" with her; she bellows out a LOUD guinea pig squeal all the time. Everything's always, "This bitch," or "This cunt," or, "Hey, bitch!" She thinks that's an appropriate way to address people. While I say, "Yeah, I've known this crazy for ten years now," her translation is, "I've been friends with this bitch for ten years." And she's said it many times before. I can act like a bitch, but I am NOT a bitch. She overuses the words bitch, cunt, and chick. I hate all three words now, 'cause of her. And she dresses as if everyone in the world wants to see her flab hang out all over. She wore a button-up blue shirt Thursday. With nothing underneath. One, it wasn't that thick of a shirt. Two, her stomach and chest made the buttons barely stay together. You could clearly see her bra and plenty of skin. And when she rose her hands above her head (which she often did to stretch), it rose to past her bellybutton. She uses the excuse, "I don't care what other people think." There's a difference between not caring what people think and not caring for decency. And then her profile picture on Facebook. It's just... Scary. I see it and I honestly want to cry. It freaked my mom and McKayla out the first time they saw it.

So... Yeah. That's my Rin rant.

On a side note, Nicky was in my dream last night. Story time!

Nick was my neighbor in Connecticut, and we were BEST (I mean, better than the best) friends. He was like my brother. My short Italian brother (he came up to about my chest). We went everywhere together. Dinner and shopping with my parents, dinner and a car ride in the convertible with his parents. Everything. We were in class together only in kindergarten. But then his grandmother realized how much we wanted to be in the same class, so in fifth grade, she said she was going to put us in the same class (somehow, she was a part of the school, but I don't know how?). And we were going to have a sleepover in his kitchen, with a tent and lanterns and everything, 'cause I've never been camping. And his mom loved me; we spent an hour once talking about Barbie dolls and how they've changed.

But then, I moved. We ruined everything the day we decided to move to upstate New York. It was the summer before fifth grade. The summer before I turned ten. I was told I wasn't allowed to tell Nick, 'cause it would shatter him. But I told some other friends, and he found out. Then his mother paid a visit to my mom, and was like, "Um, are you guys moving?" Of course she was mad! Not really, but she knew how much it was going to hurt Nick. She didn't want to see us go. I don't think either his mom or dad wanted to. And I don't think my parents would have moved if it weren't for the best. They knew how close Nick and I were. They knew how much it would hurt. But New York was safer than Connecticut. I was safer walking around town in the middle of the night where I live here than during the day at school there.

But even now, I wish I never moved. That summer was when I met Rin.

But that's not why I regret moving. It's because the way I'm constantly reminded of Nick that bothers me. Sure, I don't want to forget him. He was a part of the best time of my life. Childhood. Life was so much better then. And now, I keep having dreams about Nick. Ever couple months or so, he'll pop into a dream. It's not bad. Just nostalgic and sad. And I'll wake up depressed about not having contact with him now. I'm friends with him on Facebook, sure. But Facebook is fake, so it's not like really being his friend. And I've tried to make contact with him in the past, but it amounts to nothing. Obviously we can't go back to our friendship. But it's obviously not going to work trying to establish any sort of new one. And I'm not joking when I say I can't forget him. Every couple of months or so. He'll pop into my dreams, I'll be sad about it for a week or so, then it'll go away. Then, a couple months later, we'll go through it again.

Usually I can get through it without making a big deal out of it. But since I'm writing this blog, it's come to mind and I've written about it. But it's harder now 'cause I'm already depressed about Ethan B. I saw him today, and I almost threw something at him. I've been getting really bad about my anger lately. I need to channel it through walking, but it's too cold and rainy to go out. I hate it. I need to fucking walk off my stress and anger!!

So... Yeah. C'est ma vie. Malheureusement... That's my life. Unfortunately...

Yeah, I speak French. You better start remembering some phrases. I might occasionally use them in posts. I'll try to always translate after, though. But I might forget. Whoops.

Well... Bonne nuit. Good night.