So... I talked to Ethan. I can't believe I actually did it. I chickened out at first. But Rin kept pushing me. I had the perfect opportunity. I almost didn't take it. But I knew I'd regret it. Like I've regretted so many things in the past. But, I did it. Rin can't believe I had enough balls to do it.

I asked him to talk once more. He asked about what. His tone was so cold. I almost cried. But I had done enough crying last night. I was like beating my pillow, pissed at all the moments with him I had passed up. I told I wanted to talk about this, what's going on between us. He asked why. I told him that I needed to. I just simply needed it. He said maybe. I begged him. He said it depends on what's going on tonight. I asked if he could text me. He said he doesn't have my number. So I asked if I wrote it down if he'd text me. He said that if I had his number to text him. I said, "Yeah, I've tried that in the past... But sure." Then I walked away.

So... I gotta get all frustrations out now. If he decides to text me later, I want to be calm. Because I'm not really mad at him. Just at what he's doing. He's not an asshole. No one believes me. But I know he's not. I partly believe I deserve some of the shit he's putting me through. Part of me wonders why he's doing it. But I'll never know why he's doing it unless he tells me. So, hopefully we can talk tonight. I'm praying he'll text me back.

Honestly, I didn't expect it to get this far. I didn't think he'd pay any attention to me in the first place. He almost didn't. And now, I'm wondering if he'll really text me back. I'm prepared for him to not, and I'm prepared if he does. I'm just staying neutral. But I can still beg and hope.