He's gone. He's really just gone.
I cried for hours yesterday. I curled up on my bed and just cried. I was beating on my pillow. I was just broken.

I love him. And he's gone. All because I won't flash him on cam. How is that fair?

He claimed he loved me. But I know it's a lie. He didn't. If he did, he'd have talked to me instead of demanding I flash him.

But I still love him. I'll always love him. And it just hurts. I feel so empty. And I'm so mad. Mad at myself for letting it get this far. Mad at him for doing this to me. Mad at the world for existing.

This just wasn't fair. Why did he do this to me? He knew from the very beginning he wanted nothing but breasts. So why did he string me along? Why did he pretend to love me? He even said he'd never give up. That he'd never leave. That he was here for me forever. All lies.

I want to forget about him. I hate him. I hope he dies alone. I hope he'll never find another girl. I hope he's miserable for as long as he lives. I hope he'll always remember me, and I hope someday he'll wish he wasn't this way. I hope he'll change. I hope he'll send me an email and ask for my forgiveness.

And again I'm fucking crying. I hate this. It's not fair. What did I do to deserve this? All I did was love him. I did for him as much as I could. And what do I get in return? This. Heartache and pain. And no one here to help me. And no matter what he's put me through, I still want to curl up into his arms and forget the world exists. Forget Ethan. I'm finally over him. No, I want Lazar. And it's going to be a long healing process before I'm over him completely.