Alright...

That's about all I can say about the dream I had last night. And guess who it was about!!

Ethan B... The one I fell in love with... Yes, I rolled my eyes at myself as well.

But it wasn't a typical Ethan dream. It was a confusing Ethan dream. It started with a text message. I don't know who started the conversation, but eventually, Ethan sent me about ten pictures. It was a scroll-able list, which I didn't realize, and I only saw about five or six pictures at first, and they were all of him. I was so confused... Like, why would he send me pictures of himself? The last time he did that was three years ago before we anything started between us. And it made me think about a lot of things. But the dream cut to a different part, where I was a ninja-type thing and I had a plastic katana that would some how same me from evil? It was fun, but really strange. Then it went back to the Ethan part. I saw that on my phone, I suddenly had a contact pictures, which somehow meant he unblocked me from Facebook. I was ecstatic at first, 'cause I was thinking maybe we could finally be friends! But then I was looking at the rest of the pictures he sent me, 'cause I finally realized he sent more than just the five or six of himself, and there was a picture of a girl with a panicked, teary face, and another of a girl in a hospital bed, then of him holding a baby girl... So I texted him, confused and worried as fuck, asking if he had a little girl. I set my phone down, and I was on Facebook, looking at his profile to see if he was in a relationship. I don't remember if he was, but I was like imagining what he would say to my question when my phone went off. My eyes were, for some reason, blurry (but I don't think it was because I was crying, I think it was more I was still half asleep) so I couldn't really reach my phone, but I knew that no matter what I was imagining he would say, I needed to see for real. He said yes. At least I think he did, because I woke up about that time.

But overall, it was a fucking strange dream. And it kind of depresses me. Because I wish I could just speak to Ethan. Even if just as a friend. Because I think that's all I really want from him anymore. I don't know.

I just do not know.

What I do know is that I want to take a bus to Port Chester, then take one to Stamford, Connecticut, and walk on over to the liquor store on Pacific Street (because I know exactly where it is and I won't get lost) and buy a huge bottle of vodka. Then come back to campus and use up a couple of my meals to buy lots of orange juice and get absolutely drunk.