Why is it all of a sudden hitting me, as if it just happened?

The crushing weight that I'll never see him again. The suffocating memories of his jokes that I'll never hear him say.  The insufferable pain that a man that was once so alive and full of love and humor is sitting alone in a plastic or metal container.

He's been gone for almost four months. But it suddenly feels as if it were just moments ago. I'm not even sure what triggered this. But I can't shake it. I know I need to, though. I'm heading to Connecticut to visit my dad. I can't bring this on him. But just the thought of my dad and how he must feel about losing his just makes it harder to control myself.