I had the most intense dream last night. It started with McKayla and I talking to these two boys, both of which I was interested in. Sometime later, either hours or a few days, I don't know, she and I were hanging out with one of the guys. It was daylight, and we were in a park. Then somehow it was dark and we were at maybe Walmart or something, in the parking lot. I like saw Zach somewhere or somehow or something. McKayla and the guy were like, he's not going to come over here. But he did, and he attacked me or something. The way he was portrayed in my dream was almost animalistic. It was weird. Then later that night, McKayla, the new guy, and I were in a bed. McKayla was in the middle, and I was clinging to both of them. The guy made some comment about how I was so happy to have both of them there, joking about me having a wife and a boyfriend or something. I laughed but pulled them both closer. I think I switched to being in the middle, because I remember snuggling up closer to him. I don't know how, but I chose this guy over the other one in the beginning of the dream, and I was happy with my decision. But the bed was on a porch and Zach showed up again. I remember, clear as day, pulling him to the side, and I could see his face. But he wouldn't look me in the eye. His hair covered his eyes. He didn't seem human, but I don't know if I knew that in the dream. But I told him that if he had communicated with me, we would still be together. I whispered that to him so the new guy wouldn't hear. I think he was there, attacking us, because he wanted me back but knew that wasn't a possibility, so he was just lashing out? I honestly don't know, but that's the feeling I got from the dream. But I think after I told Zach that, he left. I remember watching him walk away. I was scared at what had just happened.

Now, I miss him. It's killing me. I feel like breaking everything, and using the broken shards of what remains to cut myself open. I want the outside to feel as torn and shredded as the inside. Zach shattered my heart. That's how I know that what I felt for him was so strong. It makes me so mad that he was such a useless motherfucking asshole. I could never go back to him after everything that he did, and knowing that is the worst feeling. He was everything I wanted, everything I needed. He was perfect, minus the one little fact that he was, is, worthless. Maybe a year down the line, he and I will cross paths again, and maybe we can have a new start.